|"The cats aren't going to like this"|
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The Theater Entrance, also known as the Intro Sequence, is the first location in Battleblock Theater. It is triggered after the first cutscene, which can be viewed below.
Credit to Anarchist_Zeta of the website eliteskills.com for taking the time to sit though and type the entire cutscene. He is clearly the pinnacle of awesome. Click "Expand" to read it
Good evening boys and girls, ladies mmmm tk-tk and a-gentelmen.
Turn the lights down low and shut your faces as I wrap you in a cozy blanket of a story.
A story as heart-warming and soft as a mother's kiss. Or is it?
Once upon a time there was a boat. Now this wasn't just any boat, children, it was a SHIP!!
A ship full of friends!! Hundreds of friends!! Best friends one and all!! A veritable friendship it was!!
Get it? But it wouldn't be very lady-like of me if I didn't mention the most note-worthy friend on board: Hatty Hattington
Say hi to Hatty!! Hatty was like King Friend of Friendship Kingdom!! Best friend to one and all and the walking definition of a handsome gentleman!!
Now one fine morning Hatty and pals set out for a new and exciting adventure!!
What fantastic wonders would they discover this time?!?
Perhaps they would come across a scary ghost ship!!
Perhaps they would find an island made entirely of candy!!
Perhaps they would meet a band of swash-buckling pirates!!
And join forces to find an island made entirely of candy!! Who knew?!?
But it didn't matter, as long as they were together!! There was smiles to be had and adventures to be shared!!
Now today was a day 'twas a day like any other adventuring day!!
Spirits were uncrushably high!!
Everyone was singing and dancing and having a jolly time!!
When suddenly the ocean was all like SURPRISE and a huge, massive storm brewed out of nowhere!!
BOY THAT WAS QUICK!!
AND THERE WAS THUNDER!! BOOOM!!!
AND THEN LIGHTNING!! BOOM!!!
AND THE WIND!! WAZCHOOO-ZCHOO!!
and like that it was over....
"Is everyone ok?" Said Haty,"I don't know what I would do if I lost even one of you!!" Hatty continued.
But the eye of the storm is very misleading children.
NEVER TURN YOUR BACK ON IT, BECAUSE THE OCEAN WAS ALL LIKE "PSYCH!!"
AND IT CAME BACK EVEN BIGGER THIS TIME!! TWICE AS BIG!!
AS IF POSEIDEN HIMSELF EXTENDED HIS HAND IN FRIENDSHIP AND THEY SPAT IN HIS MOUTH!!
BOY HE WAS PI-!!
HE WAS MAD!!
AND THE RAIN CAME DOWN LIKE A SHOWER OF BULLETS!!
AND THE FLOOR BOARDS WERE BUCKLING AND CREAKING AND BREAKING AND PIECES OF THEIR SHIP WERE RAINING DOWN LIKE SHARDS OF BROKEN DREAMS!!
AND THEN REGINALD COMES UPSTAIRS AND HES ALL LIKE, "I say gentelmen, I do believe we are in a quite a spot of bother!!"
AND EVERYONE ELSE WAS LIKE "REALLY? WHAT TIPPED YOU OFF GENIUS?!?!"
AND THEN HATTY WAS ALL LIKE "HEY BE NICE!!"
HUGE GIANT WAVES THRASHED THE BOAT TO AND THROUGH, THROUGH AND TO
CARELESSLY SPRINKLING FRIEND AFTER FRIEND INTO THE COLD UNFORGIVING ABYSS OF THE DEEP DARK OCEAN
AND EVERYONE WAS SCREAMING LIKE, "HELP ME!!" SPLASH!! SPLASH!!
AND THERE WAS THIS HUGE WHALE LIKE WAHHHHOW!!!!
AND MADE IT SUPER SCARY!!
AND I THINK THERE WAS A SHARK!!
YEP THERE IT IS!! OH GOD!!
AND THEN HATTY WAS ALL LIKE, "HOLD ON TO YOUR BUTTS!! LAND HO!!!!!"
A SHIPWRECK AS FORETOLD OF THEIR FATEBOOKS OF..FATE!!!
And while it seems like the end, this is merely the beginning of another fantastic journey for the the brave crew of the SS Friend...ship